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Join Ms. Elena to learn about how a D/s relationship works and how to deal with a disobedient Sub. How to understand your partner and develop your relationship in the right direction. Hopefully this is a useful resource for those who want to learn and explore the world of BDSM in a safe and respectful way.
1. How does a Dom/Sub relationship work?
The level of activity in a Dom/Sub relationship varies greatly from couple to couple.
Not applicable
Just curious and wanted to experiment
Once in a while to spice things up
Only in the bedroom
Whenever possible
Lifestyle 24/7…
Whether it’s just for the bedroom or for everyday life, you need to agree with each other through words, gestures, or signals when to start and when to stop, especially if you’re married or living together. Because one of you may not be in the mood for it, and everyone need some time and space to themselves. Communication is always important.
If you’re not good at reading body language, communicate verbally or with signals, such as when you wear that necklace or those glasses, it means you’re ready to receive commands, or vice versa. Signals are a great way to signal to your partner, especially when you’re in public or in a crowded place. This will depend on the level of activity in your Dom/Sub relationship, as some couples will keep their fun to the house or bedroom, or just the two of them, while others will take it out into their daily lives.
The most aggressive form of a D/s relationship is total power exchange (TPE). People in this type of relationship often use the titles Master/Mistress and slave. In this relationship, the slave is always in their role whether they are in public or not even feeling submissive. They allow the dominant to have complete control, even when going to the bathroom or spending their own money. Simply put, the meaning of a TPE relationship is an exchange in which all power is transferred from the submissive to the Dominant. It is a consensual relationship in which the Dominant has absolute control and can exercise that control in any way they see fit.
On the other hand, the dominant will be entirely responsible for the health and safety of the submissive – not to mention the sexual satisfaction of both.
Some couples find that a 24/7 relationship is not right for them because it is too difficult to maintain, instead they will choose to apply it in some specific actions, or just to enjoy in the bedroom. Slow and steady! You can always add spice to your life at any time, remember not to rush into it without careful preparation or without the consent of the other person. Maintaining and developing a new relationship is something to keep in mind.
Whether it’s confined to the bedroom or 24/7, communication is essential. Couples in a 27/4 D/s relationship should set aside a certain amount of time each week or month to talk about what happened, how they felt about each other’s actions and words, what they want to happen next, etc.
Adding elements of BDSM to a D/s relationship can be a fun idea! But you should proceed with caution. While regular sex requires thoughtful communication, adding potentially risky activities to your relationship and sex life requires more discussion !
Agree on a safe word and use it when either of you feels uncomfortable about your physical or emotional state and needs to stop.
2. What to do if the sub is disobedient?
First, there is some questions for you:
How often does your D/s relationship work? Do you spend time together and talk about each other's desires in the relationship?
In a D/s relationship, you can set rules and regulations. For example, reward/punishment rules. That is, when Sub does a good job, completes an assigned task, you will reward them with things they like. On the contrary, when they do not complete a task, being naughty or become stubborn, you can completely apply appropriate punishments.
Punishment here must be something they don’t like. For example, during sex, you will start with hot foreplay like impact play, sensation play, role play… until they feel aroused and want to have sex, then you stop and explain to them why they can not get it. What they want is to have sex? you will not allow that to happen.
Or because they forget to go to the gym, they won't be able to eat the foods they like.
Or when they forget to do a task you assign them, you will let them wear something for a week or a certain period of time so that they remember and do not make the mistake again. For example, a thong, a cock cage or anal plug to work.
Normally, with the Submissive role, being obedient and submissive to the Dom is quite understandable. As for the Brat (the submissive who is difficult to train), a Brat tamer will be needed to discipline and handle the Brat's naughty antics.
In this relationship, you must identify yourself as the one responsible for their behavior, feelings and safety through your actions and words. Just like parents teach their children, or owners teach their pets. You need to be patient, behave delicately, apply appropriate rules and guide them in the right direction. Of course, there must always be mutual agreement and work towards a common goal.
3. Even though i punished, they still didn't listen?
Have you talked to your partner about what punishment they find acceptable?
Punishment in a D/s relationship requires the consent of both partners, otherwise it has no meaning.
You may be their boss, but this is also a relationship they are in together. Communicate as adults and equals. Discuss what you want from the relationship, what rules you have and why, and what the consequences will be for breaking the rules. Then, be quiet and listen to what they have to say about it because they may have different ideas or expectations.
Try to find common ground between what you want and what they want. While a D/s relationship is a power play, the real focus is on the word “play”, and this is something the couple does because they both enjoy it, and if they don’t do what you’re trying to get them to do, then it’s likely they don’t enjoy that aspect of the relationship.
If you have discussed these things and these are the punishments you have agreed to, you have to understand that for most people, D/s is not a 24/7 thing. If they are not in submissive mode, they may not want to be punished or given orders or any tasks at that time. Trying to force it will only make your partner feel constrained. Doling out more punishments and saying you are angry because they are not doing what you want will only kill your relationship. How to know is to talk about it properly. Or you can also use the signals as mentioned in #1.
One thing you can do is get them to want to listen. This requires you to know your submissive well and what motivates them. You can take notes on their wants, desires, fears, allergies, sleeping habits, favorite foods, etc. Try different things and note their reactions. Then study those notes. Expanding, changing, and combining your studies is also fun.
You're not just exploring their bodies, but their minds as well. If you can't figure out how to get them to listen to you, you're either asking them to do something that goes against their nature or you just don't have the level of influence you'd like to have.
If you have any comments or questions that need to be answered, please leave a comment below!
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